The Performer’s Blues

Christina Giannelli

So I have not been on a stage or part of any type of show in months and I am feeling sad. Beyond sad really. My soul is parched. I have no creative outlet at the moment and that gets me into one funky mood. Does every performer feel like that sometimes? Maybe it’s just me but being part of theatre makes me feel whole. It’s not that I have no life outside of it, I most definitely do. I have four beautiful children, I take care of my adorable nephew during the day, I do lots of volunteer work, I work out of my home in sales, I have friends and family I enjoy spending time with, I have other hobbies. I have plenty of other things to do and plenty of things that I love but when I’m away from the stage it leaves this void in my heart. My stress levels go up and I become, what my family lovingly refers to as, “grouchy mommy”. 

I’m getting ready for several auditions which helps a bit. I am doing things to keep myself as a performer in top shape. I take voice lessons with a great coach. I’m reading scripts. I’m practicing monologues. I’m researching every theatre group around me and every upcoming show I can find. I’m getting out to see shows. I’m seeing all the great things my friends are in now and I am so happy for them but a teeny, tiny bit jealous as well. 

I don’t know how others feel but it seems to me that when those of us who are the creative, artistic types are not being creative or artistic it’s like we’re not fully alive. It’s like there is a part of us missing.  We’re muted. We are being broadcast in black and white when our souls scream for color! 

The silver lining to this is that, while I may be in this funk at the moment, it makes me realize how incredibly grateful I am that I have something I love to do this much, that I know what it is that truly fulfills me and that I will have the opportunity to do it again soon. Like one who waits to see their far away lover, the absence from stage may be bitter sweet but I eagerly await the next time we meet again. 

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