Desperate Actors? Always! CRISIS Actors?! Never!

Stephen Lydic

Okay, lil' Red Bots. Okay lonely, greasy knights of the alt-right. Okay, C-list Breitybart tweety birds.  You have just run into a wall of personal truth and steadfast objective fact. You made up - or at least dug up the moldy leftovers of -an idea so preposterous it is disproven at every extreme. You chose to go with the new conspiracy - dah da duhh! - 'Crisis Actors'.

Really, this is where you landed in your feverish hate brainstorms?  Let's talk about that. The concept of a 'Crisis Actor' is a Nunes memo level dud, and trying to tack this hilarious lie onto the Parkland tragedy adds a boiling amount of evil to the equation. But I'm just gonna take that little cauldron of hate you whipped up and pour it down the garbage disposal side of the sink (Wearing B.F.A. Drama inspired glittery oven mitts, of course, for safety). 

NO actor is going to need to be paid at one of these events. We are 98% super liberals, the really icky kind who believe in open relationships, Neti Pots, and dandelion salads, so we're probably at the damn rally anyway if we're already in Florida. And we wouldn't need to be paid. Especially young actors, between 15-20? They'd easily pretend to be high school kids just for the exposure. And copy and credit of course.

How do you post that on your imdb-pro page?

Best known for:

CNN Interview -   "Mocking Up a Tragedy"

Credit  - "Britany  - Principal".

Yes.  Casting directors are always looking for a weirdo pretending to be a tragic victim in real life. It shows range.

Don't you see? We are snowflakes, us actors, but we are self-centered snowflakes. We're actors! We aren't going to take a job where people might accidentally find out we're actors!!! If they found out we were in some fake interview, that's super gross, and we would never work again! And we need CREDIT for our work.  Actors are not a subtle people. Even an immature teenager who lives in Florida, smokes because he saw it in a Jim Jarmusch film, and yearns AT ALL TIMES to be performing, wouldn't be caught within a mile of 'Crisis Acting'. That shit is poison. Everyone theater director locally in Tallahassee would recognize you and be embarrassed by you.  Pretending to be a shooting survivor on national TV is NOT how you get a callback for Mousetrap at Tallahassee Actors Ensemble.

And the rest of us? The older actors? The really not famous ones who are sticking it out despite the hair loss, constant rejection, and lack of initiative at critical moments? The ones that work at bars and boutique stationery stores?

We ARE desperate. We dream about starring in the terrible film we just ripped apart with our friends. There is no sequel far enough away on either side we would turn down (Big Green 6: Soccer City, Before Mac & Me: Alien Origin - I'll sign right now!!).  We beg for the chance to let behemoths like ABC and Taco Bell pay us only $250.00 dollars for major ad campaigns.  We get off of a real job early and drive across the busiest valley in the world to act in a student short film as  "Rude Nurse Friend". And we stay until 2 AM!  We are really old now and we work for free! Or PAY a company to be included only sometimes!

We unemployed actors are a desperate people. But we are a community with standards, low as they maybe. We are inspired to make great stories. We are passionate and defensive and pushy as hell.

Never in a million years would any actor I know stand in, pretend, and demean the gory reality of a Parkland survivor. So if some jackass ever decided to do that, they sure as hell aren't an actor. They'd never be welcomed back to our grubby ranks.

Actors are always in a personal crisis.  Pathetic? Often. Desperate? Even when successful.  But paid to betray the empathy and purpose that defines our love of life? Ain't happening.

We'll leave that to the likes of Alex Jones.