What can I say? It does.
By the way, not a whole lot moves me. In general, the list of things that move me is limited to 1) those Allstate car insurance commercials and 2) when I realize I’ve missed the ice cream truck.
But this show moves me, and here’s why.
Jennifer Lopez, completely unknown by Mariah Carey but otherwise widely recognized for her role in the 1997 documentary “Anaconda,” is a producer and judge. Early 00’s music star Ne-Yo is another judge, and Julianne Hough’s older sister Derek rounds out the panel.
Most impressive amongst the superstar lineup, though, is host Jenna Dewan Tatum. It’s not that anything she says or does is particularly extraordinary -- simply put, if I was married to Channing Tatum, I would shackle myself to the bedpost and never leave the house again.
Anyhow, let’s talk about the dancers. They’re phenomenal! Based on their movements I would swear that some of these people didn’t have bones, tendons, joints, or almost any anatomy at all.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume they’d all gotten that surgery Marilyn Manson allegedly had in the 90’s before he caught fire from a ray of light and disappeared back into his crypt.
The routines are one “wow” moment after another. One girl straight up lifted her leg over her head and wiped her forehead with her foot. It was one of many moves she did that I’d never seen before, except maybe in some of the deleted scenes from “The Exorcist”.
At one point, I started to doubt that she was human. She had to be some sort of human-crustacean hybrid, created by science to defy our dancietal* norms. Regardless, this chick was the most gracefully possessed lobster on Earth.
Putting these dancer’s talents into perspective makes them all the more astonishing. These folks are twisting and contorting their entire bodies into shapes never before seen, and I almost died tying my shoelaces last weekend.
The dancer’s backstories are all emotional, and, if I’m being honest, I mostly fast-forward through that stuff. If I wanted to hear a bunch of desperate people share their sad and implausibly pathetic stories, I’d put on Fox News.
But the dancing makes it all worth it. My hair stands on end and my goosebumps don’t get a moment of rest. It parallels the intensity of love at first sight, minus the sexually-induced apologies and inevitable heartache.
In a nutshell, this show is inspiring. It’s inspired me to dream, it’s inspired me to question, and, mostly, it’s inspired my to cancel my Tuesday night plans so I can stay home and watch it.
Give it a shot! It’s on Tuesdays at some point.
I can’t remember the channel either.
*dancietal = dance + societal