Why I'm Not Writing
Lewis Wood
It goes without saying that Coronavirus has changed the creative industries, most likely for good. Our funding model has to be altered permanently, the freelance culture has shown its weaknesses for the individual when one paycheck is missed, and I wouldn’t be surprised if streamed online content continues to become more popular in the years to come. As a playwright, any change in culture creates a mix of both conflict and opportunity. How does my work fit in with the change in culture? How can I work within the lines of the reinvention of this industry? How can my work be altered for maximum benefit to fit in with this shift in the way we work?
However, the Coronavirus crisis has created two fallacies for the creative industries: the illusion of free time and the need to fill this with productivity.
Whenever I talk with family members or friends who aren’t in the creative industries, they offer me the same reflection on what I could be doing to fill my time right now:
“Why don’t you take this as an opportunity to do some writing?”
The same has been said to me in years past after two ankle operations, multiple mental health episodes, and a brief period where I was signed off work a few years ago. I think this is indicative of a fundamental misunderstanding of what writing is to writers. It’s not some emotional release that I pool my soul into. It’s work. You wouldn’t tell a plumber to do some plumbing while recovering with an operation. So why should I write when my mind and body are recovering? I don’t feel it works any differently with someone who works within a creative discipline.
I am privileged enough to not have to rely on playwriting for my income. Not because I live in a posh flat owned by incredibly rich parents (as seems to be a popular route into the theatre industry), but merely that I work a full time job outside of theatre. This isn’t necessarily a choice. If it were up to me, I’d write full time, but I have bills to pay - and I think if you were to add up the grand total of my income from playwriting, it would probably pay around two months of those bills. I’ve been writing for five years.
For that reason, I have not written a single word of a play since this started. And you know what? I don’t regret it, not even slightly. This is a ridiculous time that we are living in, and sometimes I think there is a need to prioritise being productive at all times. How many posts have you seen on social media instructing you on how to come out of lockdown fitter, with a side hustle, and an extra £2000 in your pocket? It’s a negative culture and it doesn’t help anybody achieve their goals. I suppose it’s a by-product of living in a capitalist society, but to be honest, that’s a whole other article within itself. All I know is that there exists an illusion to constantly be progressing, to be moving forward with your life, and a huge part of that is a need to stay active in your discipline. But it doesn’t look like that for me.
I think a large part of this feeling comes from knowing what’s important to me. As someone who suffers with depression and anxiety, I know that I have to go out of my way to look after myself. That means that for me, self-care is much more vital right now. The time to write will come. It will. It might be in an altered form, and it might be with the knowledge that nothing I write is going to be put on for a long time while the theatre industry finds itself again, but I know that I will write again. I also know that I have no intention of writing a short play on “dating in isolation”, because I would much rather take care of myself, then deal with finding my productivity afterwards.
However, having this opinion for myself doesn’t mean that I don’t think anyone should be making creative work right now. I think it’s about defining what productivity means to you. If your best method of getting yourself through this crisis is to write/draw/create, then you should go ahead! But also, if your best method is to just focus on showering and getting dressed in the morning, then that’s also okay. For me, I know that writing classifies as work. For you, you might be writing every day in order to cope. And you know what? That’s completely okay. The only important thing right now is whatever helps you get through each day.
Your mental health is always more important than the illusion of staying productive.
That’s why I’m not writing.