When (and How) to Burn Bridges With A Theatre
By Anonymous
OnStage Blog has granted anonymity to the writer due to their current connections to their regional theatre community.
Recently, OnStage Blog wrote about a theatre in New Zealand that allowed a convicted rapist to perform in one of their shows as a lead role. This made me think of times when it was necessary to burn bridges in theatre.
As professional performing artists, it is ingrained in us not to burn bridges in our community. Although the theatrical community is vast, spanning the United States and overseas, it is the smallest community. The power of connections, or lack thereof can make or break an artist.
So, if it can be avoided, do your best not to burn the bridge. Eventually, a time will come when you will cross paths, or a place you want to work for will have a relationship with the previous theatre you worked for. And the stories (or rather the plethora of misinformation) will bite you in the rear end.
I say this not to discourage you from burning bridges. But you should really consider whether you need to burn it or take a break. We will dive into that more towards the end.
But, if you’re determined it’s time to light the bridge up, here are a few reasons you might consider doing it.
Reasons To Burn Bridges With A Theatre
I will be the first to say that sometimes you HAVE to burn bridges. No amount of mental health and physical well-being is worth you trying to keep a bridge open that clearly needs to be lit up like a bonfire. For example, you might find yourself in one of the following situations where you need to burn a bridge.
Verbal\Physical Abuse - Don’t allow people, no matter how powerful or connected they might be, to walk all over you by verbally or physically abusing you.
Sexual Assault -If you are being sexually assaulted, this is absolutely cause to burn the bridge with that theatre. Especially if the assault is reported, and nothing is done about it.
Unethical Practices - This could be the misuse of funds, racism, sexism, and many other issues. Unethical practices are a slippery slope that always gets exposed.
Personal Experience Burning a Bridge
Now, let me tell you why I burnt a bridge with a theatre I worked for many years ago. I was the director, and I ran all the artistic theatre operations. To say that I was highly overworked would be putting it lightly. And yeah, I get it; we’re all overworked in theatre. But, that's not what I mean. It was way beyond that.
I felt that if I just worked harder and proved myself, someday, this theatre could be handed to me.
I stayed late, got there early, worked every single show (because no one was allowed to be contracted to help), and never took a vacation for years (and not because I didn’t try.) I'll never forget the one time I took ONE night off months in advance for a family graduation. And the night I was gone, the owner called furious. I wasn't there. I was literally dumfounded he could possibly be upset that I took one night off for family.
I brought up numerous issues about the owner with the executive director (who was just a go-between with the theatre and the owner). Issues like hiring practices, favoritism with certain staff members but not with others regarding pay and hours given, and even a few instances of racism I witnessed against African American instructors.
Issues like these were only a few of dozens of other reasons I could share. Working with this owner was far from easy. And it made every day difficult.
But, as the years went on, it became clear that nothing would be done, and I just had to “deal with it because he owns it.” (Yes, I had that said to me.)
Like anyone passionate about theatre, I hoped things would improve over time. The owner had planned on retiring in a few years, and I hoped that with every fiber of my being, the theatre would be passed along to me. So, I did my best to glue the pieces and wait it out.
We were headed into a new year and the owner asked to meet with me to review the plan for the upcoming season. I was excited, hoping that I would be able to change some stuff and make the environment better for the staff.
Long story short, the owner was taking every single staff member under me off full-time employment. But then shared how he wanted to keep the one staff member he liked and showed favoritism above all others. (By the way, he gave her $2 more per hour than EVERY single other staff member, even those who had degrees. And yes, I raised my concern there, too.)
I started to share my reservations about this because I helped run the theatre, so you would assume my input was valuable. (But apparently, all he wanted was a “yes” person.)
I tried to see if we could allocate all the hours and split them among the staff so that we could retain all staff including those who would be let go. I even offered to reduce my full-time hours if it would help.
He went from zero to 100 when I started sharing my concerns. He started yelling at me, and I was shocked because I’d never heard him actually yell (upset yes, as that was common, but never yell.)
Then in the midst of his yelling, he slams his fist on his desk.
Now, I am a very confident person, and I can honestly say in my lifetime, I’ve never been “afraid” of anyone.
But, at that moment, I was scared.
He slammed his fist so hard that the items on his desk shook. And the fury I could see in his eyes put me in a shock that I just froze. (Like, how in the world did my sharing my concerns get him that angry?)
He continued yelling that he was the owner, and then, honest to God, I couldn't even tell you what else he said.
I had an out-of-body experience. I was looking at myself saying,
“What the hell are you still doing here? Why have you been working in an environment like this for years?”
“Why are you taking this?”
“You are worth more.”
I went home and told my partner that this was the final straw after years of frustration and “discussions” for me. If you can’t even have the respect to listen and talk out concerns about how the place is being run, then you truly don’t care about your theatre or the people who run it for you.
I was no longer interested in literally killing myself emotionally and physically to try to keep it up and running.
The next day I went and packed up my office. I left a resignation letter and walked away.
I did not care that I was a director and that leaving so abruptly would burn a bridge. For me, health and respect for myself as a professional but, more importantly, as a human being were more important.
Looking back, I wish I had the guts to be able to meet with him face to face and tell him point-blank that he was wrong for x, y, and z. However, at the time I was not emotionally able to handle a confrontation like that. I was so burnt out that it affected my health and family.
I can tell you that when I left I knew a peace like I never thought would be possible. (I felt a literal weight being dropped off. All that pent-up stress drifted away.) Theatre is literally a part of my soul. But at the end of the day, I had to come to the realization that this place wasn't right.
Oh, and can I just add that karma caught up and a year later the entire theatre closed its doors. (Surprise, surprise, no one could work with the owner.) I was not the first person to leave either. Two other prominent people in leadership left before I did (along with various instructors and artists that didn't continue after one season). I would say that this gave me the courage I needed to realize the place had changed far beyond what I could potentially “fix.”
It’s amazing what happens when those dedicated to running a theatre leave because of how they are treated, and then the theatre wonders why they can’t keep a space running.
(Can I add that even though we theatre people adore the stage and all it represents, nothing is worth sacrificing yourself as a human or a professional for a place that doesn’t care for you.)
Don’t Burn Bridges With Yourself
It hurt. It broke my heart. I left a piece of myself. But, yet I felt free as a bird. A load was lifted, that I had no idea was there to begin with.
At one point, every artist, performer, technician, and administrator who has worked in the arts has gotten burnt out to the point they needed to take a break. And to say I was burnt out would be a gross understatement.
Don’t mistake your need for a break for your desire to cut everything off.
I’m embarrassed to say that after the above situation happened, I thought I was done with the arts forever. I threw 90% of everything away.
Yes, that’s right. That included my accumulation of books, scripts, programs, notes from students and other artists, and contacts.
You might be reading this thinking, “Wow she’s crazy.” And yes, I’d have to agree with you now. But, at the time, I was so hurt, I was so burnt out, and I was so tired of being taken advantage of. I was exhausted from working in an industry that was supposed to be my outlet, but instead, it felt like it was suffocating the life out of me.
I should have put everything in a box and shoved it in storage until I was ready to “unpack.” Years later, when I could unpack emotionally and get back into the arts, I had thrown away a lot of work and memories I wish I still had.
Even if you have to burn bridges with a theatre, I encourage you not to burn bridges with yourself even if that’s the bridge of your memories.
My heart genuinely aches writing this.
Theatre is supposed to be a safe place that hasn’t been for many people. I get a writhing feeling in my stomach whenever I hear of a theatre doing someone wrong. And if you’re one of those people reading this article today, all I can tell is that you are not alone.
Burn the bridge.
Pack the memories away.
And wait till the day you’re able to unpack and move on.