8 TIPS ON COLLABORATING WITH FRIENDS
Isabel Monk Cade, Features Writer
Niki Hatzidis, Features Editor
In today’s industry, most actors are Actor/Writer/Producers or Actor/Director/Writers or Actor/ Filmmaker/Storytellers. We’re taking power back by creating our own stories, and building theater and production companies, and making our own work! It’s a wonderful time to be a creative. With this nouveau time for creation comes a call for collaboration, and often, collaboration with our friends.
It’s a tricky tightrope to walk, working with friends, isn’t it? We have an idea we are excited about, we want to see it through, but how do we navigate the lines which are so blurred between personal and professional?
In the last several years I’ve written, acted in, directed, and produced theatre and film around New York City. Through all of these projects, I’ve collaborated and co-produced with some very close friends. Over the course of these few years, I’ve learned a lot of lessons on how not to and how to collaborate with my pals (“Pal-Laborators” - Patent Pending!). This was mostly done through trial and error. Lots of trial... And lots of error.
When you know someone intimately, how do you maintain a working relationship, while preserving your friendship?
TIP # 1
SHARE A VISION
Arguably the most important thing is that you and your collaborator share a vision. You must share a vision for the piece itself; Visually, Aesthetically, Tonally. Who is the audience? What is the message? All of that good stuff! This is fundamental for the working relationship, as it is a mutual foundation that you and your collaborator can always go back to and build upon. In most cases, your shared vision is what brought you together to make this in the first place; It’s what got you both excited to create! So it should
be pretty inherent to the piece and your relationship already. If it is not, and off the bat, y’all aren’t jiving on a vision, that’s something to pause on and look closer at.
TIP # 2
CREATE CLEAR BOUNDARIES & COMMUNICATION
When you are taking care of yourself, you are bringing the best version of you to the work.
It’s as simple as it gets. And a huge part of taking care of yourself is knowing and communicating your boundaries. This particular tip intertwines and supports all aspects of your work, and it is where things can get muddy, but do not be afraid!
You are now going from intimate friends who have your own specific, unspoken (or maybe spoken), boundaries with one another...to working collaborators—Which is a whole ‘nother type of boundary. Here is a good example: I recently was working on a project with my very best friend who was living in London (Yes, England), while I was in New York City (Yes, America). Now, as friends, we text feverishly like hypnotized thirteen-year-olds, without regard for subject matter. We text-all-the-time-about-every- little-thing-and-every-word-
Has
It’s
Own
New
Line of text !! :)))
But, when we started working together, with a five hour time difference, mind you, it became increasingly difficult to receive work-related texts all day and night...and first thing in the morning (because she would text me before she went to bed....from London!).
My phone would PING throughout the day:
Did you
send that email?
What do you think of the
Opacity
Of
Chartreuse in
This
GRAPHIC?
.....?
Should
We swap those promo post dates?
What’s the name of the stage manager from that venue on 38th street that I can’t remember the name of
but she was great should we email her
again?
I would cringe at the sound of my phone. I was so consumed by work-texts throughout my day, I couldn’t be present for myself, my thoughts and for the work itself. At this, my first reaction was to get mad at my pal-aborator:
HEY! Don’t you know I have a life and I’m running around and these texts are scattering my brains— How many EMAILS?! I don’t work like that, I can’t get work done like that!
But then I realized, upon recognizing my own boundary, that this was an opportunity for me to express it...which I did. And because my pal-aborator is amazing, she received it. We figured out a system where she emails me thoughts and notes that she has over the course of the day in a single email. I then read it over, respond to each point, and add my own thoughts and To-Do’s. She has the space to get her thoughts out, and I have the space to respond in a way that works for me.
Some boundaries might be easier for you to express, and you might know what you need going into this partnership. It might look like: “I need office hours to end at 5PM. After 5PM I’m off the grid.” OR “When we set aside time for a Facetime meeting, punctuality on both our ends is an important act of respect for me”. Other boundaries might not even identify themselves to you until you’re in the very moment of working together (and receiving 500 text messages every day). That’s okay, too!
I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for you to take care of your own needs by advocating for yourself, expressing your boundaries with your friend, and therefore helping to un-blur the lines between personal and work.
Exercise: Try to have a preliminary check-in at the beginning of your collaboration, share hard lines and soft lines you have for yourself.
TIP # 3 LOOSEN YOUR GRIP ON THE PROJECT
Remember that every collaborator involved, not just your Pal-Laborator, was chosen to leave a mark on the project. You’ve chosen to work with these specific artists, your friends, actors, sound technicians, editors, whoever it may be. It is their job to breathe their own life into the project. Loosen your grip, and allow for that to happen. If you’re working with the right people, it will make the product so much better.
TIP # 4 DEVELOP CLEAR ROLES (UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER’S STRENGTHS & WEAKNESSES)
The first thing you must do when collaborating, particularly with friends, is to establish roles early on. Are you co-producers, or is one of you directing a piece while the other is producing? This may seem like obvious housekeeping, but if those roles are unclear when it comes time to rehearse or put the piece up, conflicts will arise and boundaries will be crossed.
This means you are also developing a clear understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Who is better with drafting emails, advertising, and social media? Who is better at designing graphics, scheduling rehearsals, communicating with artists? Time management?
When you are aware of each other’s weaknesses, you can openly offer support in those vulnerable areas. On the other hand, when you are both working in areas that you excel, the partnership (and the project) will flourish!
TIP # 5 HONESTY WITH YOUR PARTNER...BUT ALSO WITH YOURSELF
And once again we find ourselves with the age-old: “They’re Not a Mind Reader!”. You have to be honest with yourself about where your true weaknesses are, and what kind of workload you are able to take on. If you are feeling a little in the weeds with the amount of work you have to get done, it’s okay to ask your partner to take care of something for you, and vice versa.
TIP # 6 CAPITALIZE ON YOUR INDIVIDUAL NETWORKS
By now, you most likely each have your own network of working professionals that you reach out to for collaboration. Capitalize on both of your networks! Has one of you done more theatre, and might know a lighting designer? Is one of you more interconnected with a certain production company, or does one of you know a great editor? Layout all your individual connections, and get creative with how you can utilize them.
TIP # 7 PLAY FOR THE SAME TEAM
You and your friend know each other well, and bickering is inevitable. Annoying, and inevitable. But it is so important, particularly in these moments of tension, to remember that you and your partner are playing for the same team. It might come up with something as simple as, for example, deciding on a graphic for your production. Your partner thinks blue is the right color, but you think orange is the right color. It might feel in that moment that your partner is an idiot-for-liking-blue-because-orange-is-obviously-the- best-choice-and-they’re-maybe-just-saying-they-like-blue-to-be-adversarial-and-piss-you-off! Wrong. They actually like blue. What I’m getting at is this: Both you and your partner have a vision for this project, and you both want to make it the best it can possibly be. Take a breath, and try to see it from their perspective before jumping into a tennis match...Remember you’re both working for the good of your production! Find common ground and know that you will both have to make compromises.
Exercise: Instead of jumping into a rebuttal, try asking, “Why do you think blue best suits this graphic? Can you elaborate on that?”. See how that changes things.
TIP # 8 KEEP IT LIGHT
Remember the reason you started working together in the first place was the shared joy and fire you felt for this project! Have fun, keep it light, capitalize on your inside jokes and the things that you both jive with. Cultivate a rhythm! Find a cool nickname for your partnership! Examples might be: Pal-Aborators. Co-Pro-Bros. Best-Bud-Bosses (BBB). Something like that, but better and funnier?
Isabel Monk Cade is a native New Yorker/writer/actor/producer and Co-Festival Director of The Malarkey Film Festival. She is currently a featured playwright for The Eden Theatre Co’s Playwriting Lab (NYC). @isabelmonkcade.
Art by Alja Horvat