So… My Partner’s Jealous of a Stage Kiss

by Chris Peterson, OnStage Blog Founder

I recently saw the following post on Reddit and thought it deserved a more extended conversation.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for more than 5 years and I had nothing to do with acting when we met. However, 3 years ago I decided to give it a try (childhood dream). The first thing he told me was he wasn’t sure he could handle me kissing other actors. I told him not to worry as it probably wouldn’t become a real career anyways.

Fast forward I now have an agent, get submitted for huge projects (though haven’t booked anything big yet). I feel the pressure, as every time I get an audition he’s asking if there’s a kissing scene in it. In the heat of the moment I told him I would try to decline every offer that includes a kiss but after giving it a lot of thought I don’t want to limit myself like this.

I know I’m a good actress, I know I have potential. I don’t want to be limiting myself because of his insecurity, but I don’t want to f up a relationship that is otherwise really good. When is it worth putting the dream above your relationship??

Let’s just start with the obvious: this is complicated. If you’re finding yourself in the same situation, you are not wrong for wanting to act or hold onto a relationship that has been important to you for years. But when those two things start to feel like they are on opposite teams, it is time for an honest conversation with your partner and with yourself.

You are not the same person you were when this relationship started. Back then, acting was a dream from childhood. Now it is something you are actually pursuing. You have an agent. You are auditioning. This is not just a hobby anymore. And while your partner did not sign up for this when you first got together, they are with you now and either grow with you or not.

Here is what I would say:

Do not promise to say no to things you do not want to do. Saying “I will never kiss anyone onstage” just to make someone feel better might buy temporary peace, but it builds long-term resentment. It also teaches them that discomfort equals control, and that is not the dynamic you want.

Loop them in, but do not hand them the steering wheel. You do not need to justify your work, but sometimes people fear what they do not understand. Talk about how intimacy scenes are choreographed, how unromantic they usually are, and how seriously you take professionalism. But also be clear: your career decisions are not up for debate.

Validate their feelings without letting them run the show. Of course it is jarring to imagine someone you love kissing someone else on stage or screen. That does not make your partner a villain. But part of being in a healthy relationship is learning how to hold our own feelings without trying to control someone else’s choices.

Finally, do not frame this as a dream versus relationship situation. It is not one or the other. This is about whether your relationship can evolve alongside your ambition, whether your partner can cheer for you without strings attached, and whether they are in love with you, not just the version of you that felt safer or more convenient.

At some point, you are going to have to ask: is this person rooting for me, or are they asking me to shrink so they can feel comfortable?

It is not about kissing scenes. It is about trust. It is about respect. It is about whether someone can love you through your growth, not just tolerate it.

So talk. Really talk. Be honest, be clear, and do not apologize for having goals that matter to you. If the relationship is strong, it will stretch. If it cannot, then that tells you something too.

And if it comes to it, choosing your art — choosing your full self — is not selfish. It is necessary.