So… My Partner’s Jealous of a Stage Kiss

by Chris Peterson, OnStage Blog Founder

I recently saw the following post on Reddit and thought it deserved a more extended conversation.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for more than 5 years and I had nothing to do with acting when we met. However, 3 years ago I decided to give it a try (childhood dream). The first thing he told me was he wasn’t sure he could handle me kissing other actors. I told him not to worry as it probably wouldn’t become a real career anyways.

Fast forward I now have an agent, get submitted for huge projects (though haven’t booked anything big yet). I feel the pressure, as every time I get an audition he’s asking if there’s a kissing scene in it. In the heat of the moment I told him I would try to decline every offer that includes a kiss but after giving it a lot of thought I don’t want to limit myself like this.

I know I’m a good actress, I know I have potential. I don’t want to be limiting myself because of his insecurity, but I don’t want to f up a relationship that is otherwise really good. When is it worth putting the dream above your relationship??

Let’s start here: you’re not wrong for wanting both things.

You’re not wrong for wanting to act, and you’re not wrong for wanting to hold onto a relationship that has meant a lot to you. That’s why this feels awful. If one side was clearly terrible, the answer would be easier.

But you’re also not the same person you were when this relationship started.

Back then, acting may have been a dream. Something you talked about. Something that felt far away. Now you have an agent. You’re auditioning. You’re trying to build an actual career, and that comes with things your partner may not have pictured when you first got together.

That doesn’t make them a villain. A lot of people would feel weird about their partner kissing someone else onstage or on camera. I don’t think we need to pretend jealousy is some rare, shocking emotion that only insecure monsters experience. It happens. People get uncomfortable.

But their discomfort can’t become your job description.

I would not promise anything you don’t actually mean. Saying, “I’ll never kiss anyone in a role,” might make one conversation easier, but if you don’t believe that, you’re going to resent it later. And once you start giving away pieces of your career just to keep the peace, it gets harder to know where the line is.

Talk to them. Really talk. Explain how intimacy scenes work. Explain that they’re choreographed, rehearsed, professional, and usually not romantic in the way people imagine. A stage kiss is not the same thing as sneaking around after rehearsal, no matter how dramatic someone wants to make it sound.

But explaining your world is different from asking permission to live in it.

Your partner can ask questions. They can admit they’re struggling. You can be kind about that. You can reassure them without turning your career into a group decision.

I also wouldn’t rush to frame this as “my dream or my relationship.” Maybe the two of you can work through it. Maybe they just need time to understand what acting actually asks of you.

Or maybe they liked your dream better when it was still safely theoretical.

So be honest. Don’t apologize for wanting a career. Don’t make promises you already resent. And if the relationship can grow with you, great. If it can’t, that tells you something too.