by Chris Peterson
I never thought I was afraid of heights. Rollercoasters? Fine. Small planes? Fine.
Apparently, though, put me on a narrow platform above a stage and ask me to focus a lighting instrument, and my body suddenly has some very strong feelings about gravity.
I remember my legs locking up. My hands were sweating. I was trying very hard to look like everything was completely normal while internally questioning the structural integrity of every bolt, railing, and ladder rung within eyesight.
And, of course, I still had a job to do. That’s theatre.
A reader reached out to me about dealing with a fear of heights in theatre, and it got me thinking about how rarely we talk about this stuff.
We talk constantly about stage fright. Audition nerves. Rejection. Burnout.
But nobody really warns you that theatre may eventually put you ten or fifteen feet in the air and expect you to keep functioning like a normal person.
Actors get put on platforms. Crew members climb ladders. Designers go up in lifts. People are sent into catwalks that seem perfectly reasonable from the ground and considerably less reasonable once you’re standing in them.
And when everyone around you seems fine, admitting that you’re terrified can be embarrassing.
It shouldn’t be.
What I had to figure out was the difference between being scared and being unsafe. Because those are two very different things.
Sometimes I was nervous and needed to push through it.
Other times I needed to stop.
I needed to check something again. Ask somebody a question. Make sure the equipment was right. Tell someone I wasn’t comfortable with what I was being asked to do.
And I really hate the phrase, “You’ll get used to it.”
Maybe you will.
Maybe you won’t.
Maybe you’ll get better at managing the fear without ever actually liking being up there. That’s basically where I landed.
I can climb the ladder. I can get above the stage. I can do what needs to be done.
I’m still nervous.
And if you’re someone working in theatre who feels the same way, don’t pretend otherwise because you think everyone else is tougher than you are.
Use the safety equipment. Take your time. Speak up when something doesn’t feel right.
There is no award for being the person who was secretly terrified but climbed anyway.
Sometimes being good at theatre means pushing yourself.
Sometimes it means knowing when not to.