When Straight Actors Play Gay Characters, Respect Has to Come First

Ethan Jih-Cook playing Damian in the National Tour of Mean Girls (Jenny Anderson)

by Chris Peterson

I saw a Reddit post recently that asked a really good theatre question.

A queer woman directing Mean Girls said her actor playing Damian is a straight cis man, and the two of them were trying to figure out how to play the role without leaning on stereotypes. They understood the obvious answer, which is to treat Damian like any other character. But they were also wrestling with the fact that one of Damian’s defining lines is that he is “too gay to function.”

That is a fair thing to wrestle with.

And before going any further, it is worth acknowledging there are many people who feel straight actors should not be playing gay characters at all, especially when queer actors are still too often overlooked for roles that reflect their own lived experience.

Representation is not just about what happens on stage. It is also about who gets hired, who gets trusted, and who gets the chance to tell these stories in the first place.

At the same time, straight actors do get cast in queer roles. So when that happens, the responsibility becomes very clear: play the person, not the stereotype.

I say that as a straight actor who has played gay characters in the past. The job is not to “act gay.” The job is to understand who this person is, what they want, what they fear, who they love, what they use humor to protect, and where they feel most seen.

With a character like Damian, yes, his queerness is part of the comedy. It is part of how the show identifies him. But that does not mean every line, every gesture, and every reaction has to underline his sexuality in neon.

Damian is funny. Damian is loyal. Damian is theatrical. He is also a teenager trying to survive high school, which is already dramatic enough before anyone sings about cafeteria politics.

The mistake is turning him into a collection of signals. A performance built around what the actor thinks gayness looks like instead of who Damian actually is.

That is not acting. That is imitation.

So what should a straight actor actually do? Start by listening. Talk with the director. Do the research. Ask thoughtful questions. Find out who the character is beyond the lines people quote. If there are queer people in the room who are willing to offer feedback, listen to them without making them responsible for the entire performance.

And most importantly, check where the laugh is coming from. With a role like Damian, the audience should be laughing because he is witty, dramatic, and wonderfully specific. They should not be laughing because the actor has turned gayness itself into the joke.

Authenticity does not mean a straight actor has to pretend they personally understand every part of the LGBTQ+ experience. They do not. But they can approach the role with humility. They can let the comedy come from the writing, the situation, and the character’s intelligence instead of piling on gestures that feel borrowed from bad sitcoms.

The goal should never be for the audience to think, “Wow, he really played gay.”

The goal should be for them to think, “I believed that person.”

That takes respect. It takes restraint. And with a role like Damian, it means remembering that “too gay to function” may be the joke people quote, but it is not the whole character.