Am I Good Enough?
Teresa Morrison
“You are enough.”
The quote that bops around in my brain until it sticks to my forehead and I believe it’s true. There is no one like ME. I am the only ME and that is what makes ME enough. Right?
I wake up at the butt crack of dawn, sign my name on a piece of paper, stand on a line in the cold rain, to then be packed like sardines in a room that is most definitely 98 degrees. A room that hot is only acceptable if Nick Lachey is there singing an acapella version of “This I Swear”. But even then, I wonder would he be looking at me? There are 200 other women here he can easily serenade.I’m sure he’ll glance over at me, give me a moment with a lyric, but then he’ll want to see who else is out there.
That’s how it is in the audition room. Not to mention my love life, but that’s another article. Before I go in, I give myself a pep talk. I am talented, I am amazing, I am so darn strong! I always feel great going into the room, but it’s when I leave that saying “I did my best,” just seems fake. And it’s not that I don’t think those words are true, but it’s that I don’t think the people behind the table think so.
I have been doing this long enough to know that I will NEVER KNOW what the people behind the table feel or think. I have to trust the process and the journey. There are so many people that are in this business, it makes the pool harder to swim in. I am always down to cannonball in, but then I find myself drowning. The continuous cycles of “no”, final callbacks, and getting so close to a job I can see the contract in my hand, makes me feel like I am not good enough to stay afloat.
The funny thing about all of this ridiculousness is that I always manage to find my way back to the ladder. I come out of the chaotic pool and I can just have a moment. Because I am allowed to have a moment and so are you! It’s okay to feel like you are not enough, even though everyone around you will tell you otherwise. This life we chose is not an easy one, but life, in general, is a rocky road, unless you’re a Kardashian, then how hard can it really be? I mean, from the outside, not that hard, but who knows what would happen if those cameras ever turned off!
All the punches life throws at you, just know you are allowed to feel winded, exhausted, and powerless. I now take time to acknowledge when I doubt who I am. I take time to refocus and reevaluate anything that does not spark my joy. Then, in due time, I am ready to jump back in because I am the only ME, and that really is enough.
And I say, screw the pool, take on the ocean!